Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
