it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
