Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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