You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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