I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
