Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
