He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
