thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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