A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
