He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
