That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
