The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I have aggressive nipples.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
