I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
