lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
