dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
