My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
They took my balls.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
