So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Is it because I queefed?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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