Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize