3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
