Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
