Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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