your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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