When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
