How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
