Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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