you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
