You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
