he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
