Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize
