a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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