Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
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