Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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