All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
