I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
