i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
