oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
BRING THE BAGELS
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
