Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
