Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
