i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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