hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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