We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
3 2 1 whiskey
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
