Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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