just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
