we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
