he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
