Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
