it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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