this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I got her a Nickelback box set.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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