why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
