we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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