but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
