New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
