I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
