I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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