dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
