Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You are the jesus of drinking
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
