and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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