can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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