We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
