Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
