I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
