why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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