dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
