and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
