Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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